This year was the toughest year I ever had to go through . Sometimes I wish this year never happened BUT then again it made me who I am today . The reason this year was horrible was also the reason it was one of the best years of my life . Who would’ve thought I’d fall in love with one of my rebounds , isn’t that insane ? Me & this kid started off so innocent and taught me how to open up . Later on , time passes by and he’s my boyfriend ._. Everyday seeing each other , every hour minute second constantly talking to each other . We were so unsepartable . Spent too much time together we practically finished each other’s sentences . We both gave all our effort so things would last but it later on it came to a point one loved the other a bit more . Little argument’s turned into big ones . Trust issues became more of a problem  & things started falling apart before we even realized . & I wasn’t ready to let go he became such a big part of my life I couldn’t accept the thought of letting go . I tried&tried & failed&failed . They say if that person constantly crosses your mind then keep chasing if you love them & if you can’t go one day without talking to them , then try harder! So that’s what I did. Everytime I did , I made a fool out of myself & felt like I was getting no where . Things ended up worse & worse to the point we hated eachother’s existence . We couldn’t stand eachother yet we missed eachothers company . So now after all that I hold back 10x worse cause I know theres always a sad ending to a beautiful beginning . When I give my heart I end up caring too much then I should . But atleast when I look back on the past I catch myself smiling about it .

I tend to over think everything I do , how close I get to a person especially when I talk to someone I LIKE . I wish I didn’t have past expeirence in relationships because I know what to expect & sometimes it’s something I wouldn’t want to expect . Which makes me hold back ALOT. I get too attached very quickly , I hate that about myself cause when I get attached the other usually doesn’t care . I take the extra mile in every little thing I do , plan cute surprises , leave voice mails to wake up to , gifts on anniversary’s , wanting to explore everywhere! with that one person , be there when they need someone to run to , do everything I can to put a smile on their face , the whole yatayata you get the point. Yet I find myself the only one taking the “extra mile” .  All I seek is someone who would be there when I need someone through my darkest hour , someone who points out the good about me , someone I could laugh & act like a complete fool with! , someone who always finds time for me no matter how busy they are , someone who’s more adventurous rather than “romantic” & when it comes to the point where I give my heart , someone who won’t break it again.

He complains a hundred times , wishing he had a girlfriend yet he neglects the girl who would do anything to see him smile & puts him 1st meanwhile pays attention to girls who’s 5th on her list. Why would he think he deserves a girlfriend ? You scared a girls heart made her believe you loved her and chose a day to say ” I don’t love you anymore” . All he does is cut school , smoke every single day , worries about fame on facebook & he wants to go through the most precious thing on this planet , “love” . I think not ! It’s only given to people who genuinely deserve it . 

I remember back in the day where I really didn’t know what the word “love” meant . Until he came along & the thing is I’d never expected for me to fall so hard for a person like him . It’s sad to look back at the past and know they’ve changed their ways and even more sad to know they’ll never change back . I’ve never loved someone that much , I never loved someone at all before . To know that you could go through so many things with that person , share things that no one ever came close to knowing about you , & most importantly look back and realize you were most happy with them then anyone else . My fear was losing him cause If I did I knew part of my happiness would be taken & it came to that.